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水仙轩

We are the champions,my friends!

 
 
 

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A girl with inner hope and overwhelming passion for life. Love for literature as an engineer.

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You Used to Eat That Flower  

2011-09-05 17:25:46|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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I want to write about love today.

As this is stimulated by what a boy said as you used to eat that flower, I'd love to use it as the title.

The story of my learning to love.

Love, includes kinship,friendship and affection, is closely related as the source of warmth.

Ironically, broking up with a boy taught me about kinship and friendship. I finally becomes more mature. Knowing about how one can bring sunshine into the life of another, as a friend, and how important I am to my mother, I  am confident that I know more about life. I will try my best to make others happy. That is the only way I may be happy.Bring sunshine into others' lives.

 

Three and a half years ago, I fell in love with a boy of my class. His way of dealing with stuffs and treating others is what without my horrizon before, which closely attracted me. He was once in my eyes the representative of most beautiful things in the world-sincerety, honesty,generosity,cuteness,bravery,confidence, which all combine to make him perfect. That was at one of the most beautiful moment of my life. I narrowly escaped being eliminated of the Talented Students' Program , started to reflect on my current state and finally began to get rid of things I no longer wanna do instead of compromising the normal rules. I was ever confident and felt so good about myself. Honestly, even I may be eliminated, I won't be afraid. Thus, becoming ever brave than before, I said yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend. Loving each other with utmost passion and sincerity, we spent a rather long time together. Days unbelievably happy that many things seem paled in face of young love, including kinship, friendship maybe.Focusing too much in lover's world, I gradually lost time to go out with friends. Mum being disagree with our affection, she seldom received my calls as I was so hurt and a little angry about her attitude toward us.

Story went on. As time went by, this affection changed. Maybe it was affected by outer obstacles ,by two story creators,  by time itself or by the combined forces. I stopped to look at things happened, only to find that I was no longer capable to bring him happyness, so did him.

 

I talked little with friends about problems I encountered in affection. On one aspect, I don't want them knowing that we being the model of college lovers, never quarrelled with each other would came into this situation. On the other aspect, I don't know how to express all these. So, so many nights I wet my pillow alone, so many phones calls I collected my guts to make met with cold response.Living along in school dormitory at that time, I felt lonely ever than before. Finally, I realised that I may not be able to stand this alone. So I eventually talked with my best friend about this. I told her about things happend between us, about what I though of  and listened to her understanding. Sometimes, she gave me advice. Sometimes, knowing nothing to do, merely contact from her brought me warmth.Gradually, life is not so insufferable.

That is the most brutal moment of my college time. But it taught me how to help myself out of bad weather and how seek help. It taught me the truth that it is impossible to live without friends, without those who cared about you, how warm inside to have a friend indeed.

 

Twenty years ago, mum gave birth to me in an average family in China. Owning to mum's work reasons, grandma helped take care of me. My grandma used to make mum doing all the stuffs when she was young and even laughed at mum with my aunt when mum was even a girl. Grandma spared her love to my anut and especially my uncle, who is the smallest child and a boy.But not to mum. Thus, she is mean about money when it comes to mum, and thus extending to me. Mum worked hard to bring money back to grandma and taked care of my aunt and uncle as they still went to school at that time. My father is also a person mean about money. He was unsatisfied about mum minding so much about grandma and her siblings.This stirred obstacles for their marriage now and then. Finally, their marrige broked up and I was left with mum. My father did not want me at that time and even said that mum could educate me nowhere and I would grew up to be a bad girl. My mum, being stubborn and desperate at that time, started her life as a single mother at a young age, with little help from her family. We didn't have much to begin with as father took away most of the furniture and mum had to pay him money for the house we lived at that time. With no chair, I ate sitting on a piece of wood. With little income and obstacles created by someone, I had to skip the third year in kingdergarden as the tuition was so high. Being pretty and independent, mum was never short of  followers. However, she turned a blind eye to them as she focused on her daughter.

Story went on. Mum and I went through thick and thin together. Our house was onced robbed out of money, and there was one person sent threatening letter to us. But we came out of all these obstacles and I grew up to be a good girl and mum a successful mother. Despite her late marriage, I felt strange about the word father and learned of the contradictions in a new family like ours. We are always alone and to me, mum is the only person who means kinship to me .

 

Two months ago, I successfully passed my visa interview and got the chance to study in America. About to leave after the last summer holiday, I spent the longest period with mum since college.Without any prejudice, I finally began to understand more about mum. She may be too stubborn sometimes , she may be tart in words sometimes, she may hung up my call when she was unsatisfied about my choice, and she may do things in her way which I find hard to accept sometimes. But she has a tender and kind heart which always treat others good, even people she didn't quitely like. And most importantly, she cared so much about me that she didn't want me to get hurt. She told me that I may be with that boy only if I really wanted so much. I felt it a pity that I no longer want it a bit.

 

As for the story about eating that flower, I said rejection when a boy sent me the picture of a rose this morning, towards which I used to say that I want to eat that flower. With his reply that you used to eat that flower, tears flew out of my eyes. That was passed story and forever a memory.

That may be the brutal part. You are free to break up, but memory lives.

I used to wish that I will only love one man in this life and I will marry him.Thus, I can keep my spiritual world and all love memories as clear and simple as possible. Cause simpleness is what I love most. As a loser in face of affection, I fell. However, never, never lose faith. You can not live without being hurt. But you still live as there is sunshine, always, and you love the smell of it.I can still keep my spiritual world as clear and simple as I am sincere  towards stories,towards life.

 

Actually, few of you knew about my family and my stories cause I seldom told about them. It is not my way to talk too much about my past as I am afraid that others may see them in an prejudiced view while I, acutually grew up healthily and happily.But now, I dare to write about these because I have faith in people. I believe you will understand me sooner or later. And I want to be sincere and honest with every one of you, who steps into my life and becomes or reads about the story.

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