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水仙轩

We are the champions,my friends!

 
 
 

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A girl with inner hope and overwhelming passion for life. Love for literature as an engineer.

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I feel terrible  

2012-01-07 13:04:11|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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No one understand how I feel terrible this afternoon after an elder classmate told me that my advisor scolded someone because he misunderstood that that person made me do all the work in the project. It never occured to me he will think this way. But he did. And we were both hurt. And he is boss, I was told to learn how to deal with this by myself. Fuck!

I know I have to , but I just want to. Damn it, I hate RA, I hate the thing I struggled for so long, I hate to deal with people I just don't want to understand, it is tiresome.

My cellphone charger is gone. I can't call my old friend, I can't talk to bmp. God damn it!

I hate to put people into trouble because of me. Those who I do not care, they have no right to suffer because of me. Those who I do care,I certainly do not want them caught in trouble. God,I can't imagine what would things be if I were there the day my boss piss off. I might get so afraid. I do not want to work for people who I am afraid of. Why would I ? Just because of money and higher academic pursuit? Money kills people. And I don't want so high academic pursuit.

I can't tell my mother I feel terrible. I have to pretend that everything is so OK with me and I am living a good life. Then, when the time comes to I telling her I am with bmp, she will tell me she is so disappointed and so hurt because of my choice, she will tell me that it is not good for me. Everytime when I feel terrible, no one I want is by my side,  occasionally a friend,that is when friendship is so precious!

Gush, but there are people who are always there to tell you that your choice matters so much that you can not make them at your will.

At this moment, I feel terrible. I want to pray for God let me fall asllep without waking me up. I will forget all these. I feel forget about love and my sin. God, if you want to protect me, please do that.You know, there will be people thinking of me, but the world is OK without anyone.And I am normal.

At this moment, I just do not want to be positive. Tomorrow is supposed to be my birthday on lunar calender. And this new year, I have no feeling for this new year. It seems that things begin with a bad start, with a RA that terribly trapped me.I want to make a wish, but I fail to find myself making it sincerely. I just do not want to fight for anthing, after I fight so hard for that god damn RA. Fuck, I accept it just because I do not want to spend my mother's money. I felt it a sin to spend her money while she still want to give me more! God, when I die, I do not want any of these.

I do not want to fight for anything. And I am not gonna to harvest anything if I stop fighting. It is god damn tired.

I am sorry to talk dirty. The proble is maybe I can not see the truth, I find the surface dirty.

God see that I am not potential, so please derive my right to go through all these.

Good night! I know I am gonna to see tomorrow' s sun because life is so god damn strong that I just have to keep going for now.

I have to do research, I have to go to the god damn lab even if what I want is to flee away! I want to escape from the world, you know.

 

 

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