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水仙轩

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A girl with inner hope and overwhelming passion for life. Love for literature as an engineer.

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What is driving us forward  

2014-05-13 09:31:44|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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I enjoy taking a walk around our beautiful neighborhood every day after work. Stone houses, colorful outlook and various spring flowers in the front yard-I like what it has to offer- a nice combination of the tranquility from everyday life and human efforts. Today, I stood behind the building a little longer than before, amazed by the stunning sunset and the interesting shapes of clouds. At that moment, I thought that I want to be a painter. The beauty of nature, you may capture with cameras of high resolution, however, is best depicted by painting brush, which offers the artistic touch with personal imagination. 

I enjoy taking a walk around our beautiful neighborhood every day after work. Work life used to be hectic with a full-time job supposed to be 8 hours a day but ended up being at least 9 hours. Coming back home, I prepared dinner and lunch for next day, practiced piano for 20 minutes if possible, then started work on my HJ part-time job. The next thing I realized, was that it was bed time already. To ensure energy for the coming day, I cannot extend "today" through staying up the night. At some point, my body signaled me that it was not as healthy as before. It was then that I realized, it was everyone's utmost responsibility to take care of the body, for without it, life can be hectic on its own, without us being part of it. Then, what's the meaning?
As a response to my body, I resumed my yoga routine, even if for just two times a week. And I started to take a walk everyday, appreciating the beautiful Spring. Gradually, time is still limited, however, life doesn't seem to be that hectic anymore, which I love. 
Weeks ago, or even days ago, I was planning on applying to a PhD in education, only to realize that it is close to impossible to get a decent scholarship to sustain myself in this field. First-class schools do offer awesome benefit, however, I have to admit lack of competency in the education field if to compare with other peers who came from there. This is not a compromise of defeat, it is a clear statement of the truth. After all, there is a reason that I am an engineer. Maybe education is not the field for me either, I just never had a chance to test it out. However, if I was to test it out, I won't be able to return to my original field easily. Everything may require the enduring tough period at some point once you choose it as a profession. And if there is some major aspects that one enjoys, one need to adapt to it. Like my own relationship with my engineering profession, I can't run from it just because my dislike of any working routine. That's when I convinced myself to stay in the field, be curious and keep learning. Don't quit for the excuse of taking care of myself. 
During this struggling process, I still took a walk everyday after work. On the road, I would wander about what was driving me forward. The goal of getting admission into an excellent education program? The goal of getting closer to bmp? The goal of ending current work routine someday and gaining more freedom? I am sure after whatever possible goal I would achieve in the end, there are more challenges to come, or at least difficulties to come, like what I am experiencing now.  Sounds familiar. To some extent, it sounded like no big difference from today. Yes, good parts and bad parts, making the life jigsaw. Then, what is driving me forward?
For this answer, I tried to remember what I was thinking when I was very little. Wow, at that time, I don't have many thoughts at all. When I was very little, I lived most of the days happily without always expecting the summer/winter vocation, although I did get anxious by the end of each vocation since I may not finish my homework yet. Later, looking forward to high school, I focused on my study without worrying anything about the goal. With high school in the background, I got frustrated with some personal thoughts in between, however, I was inspired by my college dream and the belief that all the things that I was bothering myself with, will come to an end with college coming. It seems that the wonder for the drive force only comes after I grew up and started to have expectations of my own. In college, I enjoyed most of the beautiful days doing things I like, although I have to take required engineering courses which I am not a big fan, but I managed. By the end of college, I was inspired by the hope to study abroad for graduate school, through which I expect myself to be very professional in the engineering field. And it became true. Graduate school was more like working for my professor, which exposed me to lots of pressure plus growing opportunities. I was thinking, with a career start, things would get a lot more interesting, and I would have more opportunities to experience industry reality, which is true. And that brings me to today. Yes, all I have hoped for came true. Then, after all these, what is driving me forward? 
Last Sunday afternoon, I stood long in front of a huge tree, trying to figure out the answer in the shoes of that tree. It certainly may not enjoy all different types of weather, including the extreme ones. It also may dislike Mondays as I do. However, it was there. It stood there not only because there is not much choice to move around, also because it is taking every opportunity it can to absorb nutrition, enjoy possible resources while enduring potential hassles. The tree never explains, right? And that's what I need to learn from nature. I told myself. What is driving this tree every day? Well, the desire to grow bigger, the benefits of nice weather which may not always be the case, and the urge to enjoy nature. We should do the same.
What is driving us forward? The desire to achieve future goals, the benefits of happy moments which may not always be the case, and the urge to enjoy this precious life. The drive force is not the point. The point is, to stay healthy, and stay happy.
Wish you all the same, my friends.
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