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水仙轩

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A girl with inner hope and overwhelming passion for life. Love for literature as an engineer.

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Falling to the Edge-Happy Project Week 3  

2014-06-30 04:42:15|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Dear friends, every week seems not so short, after all.  Looking at my blog from last week, I felt like those things happened months ago. This week, on Friday, I've almost decided to write a resignation letter to my boss and quit my job right after, out of the deep feeling that I am wasting my time doing things that I don't enjoy. However, I will still wait, for the hope ahead of me, for the fact that no certain alternative I've seen, for the drive that I can sustain hang on a little bit longer. That's when I fell to the edge and stayed there.
Day 1 Intensive Weekly Planning Meeting
This was the most intensive weekly planning meeting I've experienced so far since I joined the company. With two of my colleagues away, I took on main responsibility for two projects. Therefore, my boss kept asking questions about things that has been done, things that hadn't been done, and suggesting actions to take. He didn't say a word about the fact that we got technical acceptance last week, instead, he kept focusing on things that hasn't been done and asked for a reason. Well, he assumed a standard , which is a good one, however, no one in the company has been applying that since it only existed in his mind, and his words. Later, finally he recognized the team's job last week and gave us a simple thrumb-up. By that time, I was not interested at all. 
He is a good leader. Unfortunately, as a sales role running the company, they ignored training, implementing standard, and nurturing people, maybe there is just so many things to do that they simply forget. Of course everyone knows the importance and the reason behind, but not everyone can achieve that. 
This time, when I was on the spot light, I saw so clearly the purpose and drive in a business man. That's what brings profit. At the same time, that purpose sometimes makes me feel cruel.
Day 2 A Specification Day
Specification is what you claim on the paper in a written form of your customer need, so that after the project has been started, everything is fixed.
However, in the middle of the project, we found out that the initial specification didn't fit with the customer situation. Therefore, my project manager promised to provide an advanced function for free. That was a premature decision but really good for the customer, since their satisfaction is our priority. However, coming back, the technical team was resistant about doing this for free. Then, the project manager went on vocation and I was left with his promise and the customer, to close the project. That's what made last week's trip way tougher, and that's why we need to redo a specification for what makes sense to the customer and the least we can offer based on that for free. 
Our US branch doesn't have too much knowledge on this, German has implemented this before. Here, only one person has tried this and that guy kept talking about all the things we shouldn't offer the customer, saying that there were so many configuration details with every possible change. Others, all thinks that the work behind may not be that dreadful and we should make it simple. Until the meeting, the specification idea is still not clear and we confused the customer as well. 
After the meeting, we had a another discussion on this and I made a plan.
Talking with our boss about this, he called the other guy asking why consultants make things sounds so complicated. He technically explained things, we draw a diagram and an implementation plan was made. The dreadfully long conversation was killed, with an authoritative saying and a clear diagram.
That took about 30 min, but that's when I learned the most that day. Keep things simple, at least the outline, and make a reliable plan.
At 6pm, I came home with a clear mind.
Boss is boss. There is a reason behind it. Personality decides your role, your position, your life and ultimately your destiny.
Day 3-4 Waiting For a Response
I made two new specifications , one for free, another with a dollar sign. After that, I haven't heard any decision from the customer. No surprise, at least I did my part.
Day 5 Falling to the Edge
Today was a Friday with such an awful feeling. We had an appointment to do a technical trial, and my colleague's computer reacted so slow that we waited for a while. Then another colleague told us bluntly that you were wasting your time on this. Well, on one hand, I was annoyed about this obvious suggestion although it was true, on the other hand, it occurred to me that I was wasting my time not on this single thing, but on lots of things, including most of the things that I do here. That's the moment that I wanted so much to quit asap. The reason was so obvious, who wants to waste time? However, lots of people are doing this, including myself now.
I chatted with one of my girlfriends from high school, telling her that I'd like to work in China for a few months on language-related functions. She told me that there were lots of opportunities that I can try, but then was limited due to the fact that I can only do 2-3 months. I was so excited about this possibility that I had urge to write a resignation letter.
However, I know the reason why I was hesitated about the idea of going back to China. Family pressure on various social customs, complicated inter-personal relationship, and the uncertainly of whether or not I can find my shining spot. All these, probably hasn't changed a thing after I submit a resignation letter. That's what moved me to the falling edge and stayed there, without moving one inch forward- I might rise, I might fall as well.
Weekend I hope that will never end
So many mornings, I walked downstairs, felt the cool breeze, longed to stay in the park to enjoy, however, I need to arrive at work and therefore never had the luxury. I told myself many times that I will do that during the weekend, sometimes I overslept, sometimes I did my part-time job after getting up, sometimes I video-chat with my mum. This weekend, I actually did it and it was so nice. Whether reading a book or taking a walk in the park or around the nice neighborhood, I felt so relaxed, really happy.
By the way, Mrs J's son Andy, who worked on remodeling houses in Florida, told me that his job makes him feel like god- turning a crapy house into an awesome one. Even him makes me feel the need to change.
My friend whom I  normally go out with during weekends, was finally preparing for her PhD defense and therefore I was mostly alone during the weekend. This loneliness plus the dreadful feeling about work, are making me home-sick. Although home, as sweet as it should be, might not be like what I imagined.
Friday night, I ordered a spanish bookset online. Something should be started. That's my hope for next week. And the independence Day ahead, starting from next Thursday, I will be on vocation till Wednesday the week after, doing things I like. 
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