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水仙轩

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A girl with inner hope and overwhelming passion for life. Love for literature as an engineer.

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Ongoing fight with Fatigue  

2015-06-23 09:48:32|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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I am tired now. And I've been tired. since my first day as a fresh PhD student this Spring. There has been an ongoing fight with fatigue. Today, it has just gotten stronger.
Long time no see my blog. Sorry that I haven't get back to you for quite a while. Let me see, my last blog article here is right after my resign from the first job. After that, I made two trips to a family farm in Ohio and the sunshine beach city Miami in Florida. That time was wonderful. I did manual work in return for accommodation. More important for me, traveling brings experience and new insights into life. Those things together, urge me to write.
That's the reason why I haven't come here for a while. To better express myself, I figured it would be better to write in my mother tongue. Therefore, I shut off lots of things just to focus on my writing during non-PhD time. Or, I even sneaked writing into normal PhD time. Sometimes I just felt like it and could not help. After about half a year, as you can see, I finished my first novel with 120000 characters and another short story collection of the farm experience with 20000 characters. To my biggest disappointment, they were both rejected when I tried to submit for publishing at "Douban", an online platform for writers to publish their pieces electronically. I thought of many situations, for example, even if my novel get published at "DB", it might remain unknown and no editor would pick it out from the crowd. However, I never thought that they would be rejected, after less than a day-long review.
The writing process has been the only thing that refreshed me during the past days. I got up early in the morning and jumped out of bed really fast, only to edit and prepare it for submission. It just died, silently in the inform email telling me my writing is not to their website's taste.
This failure is not the reason for my fatigue. It just made it worse. I tried to convince myself that I can do a great research job even in a direction that I don't know much and don't have much interest. Stick to this faith is rather hard. And now I have to convince myself of this everyday, otherwise my mind will wonder about giving up.
I cannot afford giving up due to practical real life pressure. It is said that you choice is in your hands, but I cannot go ahead to do whatever I want without thinking about reaction of my loved ones.
Then I will just get some comfort from you and keep our little secret. Continue the ongoing fight with fatigue.
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